Confidence.

So as promised, I will be sharing and talking about my views on a TED video.

I chanced upon this video a month ago under the category "TEDtalks under 18". Turns out this girl was only 12 years old. I was very much impressed, firstly about her logic on how learning between generations should be reciprocal but more impressed by her presentation skills and confidence. Though she might have some scripts on her hand, it was amazing for a 12 year old girl to be presenting in front of a thousand adults, getting a standing ovation as she finishes. A usual 12 year old who performs better than average in school might even be only learning pronunciation and meaning of the words Adora Svitak used in her speech.

This brings me to a recent experience I had. I was chosen to give a campaign speech to be elected as a head of the student council. Before that, I literally had butterflies in my stomach, I was worried that there might be jeers, I was worried that people might laugh at me, I was worried that I would stumble, basically, I was super worried.

Even after spending much effort on my powerpoint and rehearsed my speech many times, it still boils down to my confidence. Confidence is the trust you have for yourself relative to your expectations, hence I guess I did expect alot from myself but I was not able to trust myself.

Although I had been outspoken in class and possess initiative in oral participation, my confidence of public speaking is still low. Well, it is quite true that it is the society's number 1 fear. I realised that confidence can be improved in a number of ways, number 1, imagine a situation where you managed to amaze the crowd, by imagining some thing positive, your brain will no longer be congested with negative thoughts. Don't worry about screw-ups, and compare the situation with that when you are in the face of death, that should remove all fears you have.

During the campaigning session, it was rather obvious that I did not amaze the crowd and had not persuaded them fully. It was also clear that I wasn't the one with the best oratorical skills. From now on, I shall train my confidence by exposing myself to public speaking experience and also expressing my ideas and opinions during assemblies.

Notice that the girl did not stumble as she gave her speech and a body language was couldn't be more appropriate, she also manage to apply humor which helped to win audience over. Her intonation when she spoke was amazing and was full of impact and confidence.

I had always been convinced that I am someone who was outspoken and that my confidence and oratorical skills were a cut above my peers. However, when I was preparing for my presentation, I had a constant fear that was affecting my appetite and mood. My complacency brought me to a state of shame when I wasn't even half as good as the girl not to mention that I was acting like a wimp before presenting to just 400 students around my age. What I had learnt is that I have much room for improvement and I should continue improving, both my confidence and speaking skills.

My aim will be to be as good as the girl in 2 years time.

Life of a Jew.

Here are my diary entries as I attempt to impersonate a Jew during Hitler's rule. I did extensive research before penning these entries down and gained much as I tried to imagine the situation there and then but my imagination went slightly overboard and I had never expected it to be deemed realistic by my history teacher. Well,he enjoyed it and I hope you do as well.

----------------------------------------------------

3^rd August 1934

Dear Dairy,

Today, I am at a loss of words. Our worst fears have come true, the Nazis and Hitler himself had fully taken over Germany. We are sending off some of the women and children away to a safe place far away from the Nazis. We all know what kind of life waits for us. There is no doubt it will be a life of chaos, violence, terror and poverty. My uncle and his party opposing Hitler had already been executed by the Gestapo publicly for making comments criticizing them. The scene was so gory and gruesome, what will come out of their children? I pass each day with increasing fears, that soon, the Nazis will exterminate the whole Jewish population. Why, why am I born a Jew?

Dear God,

Please give me the strength to live on.

Signing off

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

14^th August 1934

Dear Diary,

I am currently hiding under my bed; in fear that any time, the Gestapo or Hitler’s SS might knock down my wooden door and arrest my family. It is no longer safe to stay quiet; Hitler is bent on eliminating our race. My whole family stays in the house; we no longer see any point in working outdoors at the risk of our own life. The discrimination is intense, I felt as if I am bullied like a kid by the Aryans.

I will be constantly updating this diary for future generations to read and I hope this shall show the world the injustice the Jewish people faced… My current focus will be to stock up on rations by sneaking outside to steal food, it is too dangerous to venture out… It is scary how the Army and secret police are able to come out with excuses to punish the Jews, when that happens, they will spectate the event and derive joy from it.

Sadistic bastards.

Signing off

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

1^st September 1934

Dear Diary,

I got a huge scare today. I was reading the paper when there was a series violent knocks on the door. It had been peaceful for more than 2 weeks that I did not think before acting. I opened the door and a few of the Gestapo’s police rushed and pinned me to the ground. They asked if I know of a man called Toraso Sidenbarg, he was caught to have shouted at an Aryan child and will be brought to a concentration camp promptly. At that moment, my shoulders will tearing apart as if it is going to wear away. I knew that cooperation was my only choice, I murmured out his whereabouts as he was a close colleague of mine. The moment I finished reporting, they gave me a hard push on my head, laughed, and walk away. I heard them saying ‘Typical Jewish…’ as they exit. Tears flowed from my eyes down my cheeks.

Sorry friend, I didn’t mean to betray you…

This was a period of time when betrayal is essential for survival.

Signing off

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

23^rd September 1934

Dear Diary,

Today maybe one of the last times I write in you. You had been discovered while I was on the way to the market. I showed you to a Jewish friend who seemed very interested in where I live, what I do daily. He gave you a good read before dashing off. Apparently, he was a spy for the SS. I chased after him and snatched you from him. The spy will definitely report back to the commander, I am currently hiding in a desolate shelter, waiting for time to pass, taking leftover buns for prayers as food…

Awaiting for my doom.

Signing off

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

1^st October 1934

Dear Diary,

I am currently in one of the concentration camps. I was caught stealing bread from a stall, as I tried to run away after being discovered, I was grabbed by my hair by the police. Upon confirming my race, I was sent to the concentration camps. This is my first day after admittance, perhaps life in the camp may be better than constant fear living outside as I get to see fellow Jews.

At least there is food here too.

Let us pray for a better tomorrow.

Signing off.

25^th October 1934

Dear Diary,

This had been the first time I am free to write this entry. How wrong was I to think that the camp is going to be better than life outside!

No freedom, no dignity, no food.

I do not have much time left, my body is getting more and more frail… I feel like collapsing, this will probably be my last diary entry and I would like the whole world to see how cruel the Germany government is. The space we sleep in is so cramp, it is the size of a room with 80 people. Many of my friends had been executed as they were unfit for labor some were killed in the gas chambers, I hope that I will die peacefully instead. Today, the food was rather good compared to the rest of the days, after doing labor work for work; we had a piece of bread, a cabbage and bowl of soup. I manage to eat the share of another prisoner’s when he fainted halfway eating.

The warden is coming, I have to go.

Signing off

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

6 November 1934

Dear Diary,

Today, 9 of the prisoners are taken for experimentation purposes and some into the gas chambers. They had been in the camp for 3 months and no longer had energy to work on. The wardens cruelly took them out when they were unable to stand up. Another friend of mine wanted to stop the wardens but was slammed with a bat, the cell had became a bloody place.

I have no more energy to live on, but I have to finish this diary entry… My food was confiscated as I was deemed to be rude to the officers; I have grown so thin that the prison shorts are no longer wearable…

Signing off

1^st January 1935

Dear Diary,

Today is a joyous occasion; it is New Year’s Day. The labour work was reduced and we had a bowl of rice each. Up to this point, my left leg can no longer move due to malnutrition, I sit in a corner, brainstorming the ways I might be killed. Will I be used for experimentation, beaten to death or will it be the gas chamber?

I miss my family… I want to die.

Signing off

5^th January 1935

I need food… food…

Goodbye all, May the person who gets hold of this diary publish it.

Expose the corrupted.

Signing off

6^th January 1935

Footsteps closing in… thud thud, thud thud.

The warden is coming to drag people.

I remained sitting in a corner, unable to move.

What will become of me?

Treating people with your heart-

Lying on the bed, recounting my life as a councilor, I had a sudden epiphany I had to record. I recounted the campaigning periods the year before and just recently this year. I am ProEd Councilor and every year, the student body will cast vote for their favorite councilors and shortlisted councilors will remain in the council, while the rest shall drop out. I realized that I had always been desperate in my measures to the extent of using emotional blackmail to garner support for the elections. It was similar to last-minute hugging the buddha's foot, in this case, it was hugging the students' foot.

Why was that so? It then dawn upon me that I had been mistreating my friends, calling them names they dislike, and frequent teasing. I had not been helpful in many occasions, dismissing their request with a wave of my hand. Overall, I had not been a helpful friend.

Now, just 1 month before elections, I started treating people better, helping them occasionally, no longer my usual rowdy self. However, my change in behavior was not able to reach all the friends I had mistreated, and for those people, they were not willing to cast me their votes due to past taunting, they felt that someone who was not sensitive enough should not be in council. However, for my classmates who were able to sense my change in behavior, they themselves reciprocated by treating me better. They no longer call me names nor tease me too. This is when I realised that it is important as a human being, you treat people with your heart and never let your overwhelming ego hurt others. So, that was what adults always meant, to live in a better society, with everyone caring and helping each other.

Back to my campaigning process, as I went along convincing classmates why they should vote for me, they reflected that they have certain choices in mind and I will come after that. And more often than not, these choices always corresponds. I was indignant, these people did not had a better MSG than I do , nor were these people as outspoken as I was. As I sat on a chair, staring into blank space, wondering why some people who does not seem too capable are a popular choice. Shortly, my friend joined me and I poured out my woes.

He replied, "Lionell, you want to know why? Because they are not bastards like you. "

This statement angered me quite a bit, I was not able to restrain myself and I insulted him by calling him a 'dog' accompanied by various profanities and a slap on his back.

"See, this is what I meant, bastard..." and he went off. I immediately regretted my action as it had cost me to lose a vote, but above that, I probably had lost a friend. I realised that these frequent actions of mine has damaged relations with my friends. For a moment, I thought I was not able to make it to council, but most importantly of all, I had wasted my year, mistreating friends, not valuing friendship.

When I got home, I was saddened by the fact that I had minimal support for the elections.

I googled, " What does people look for in a leader?" and hoped to come out with a miraculous campaigning method. The page was filled with a few questions, a supposed checklist for leaders-to-be. Mentally, I asked myself the questions. (Paraphrased it)

1. Do I have what it takes for ProEdians to look up to?

No. Even my friends call me a 'bastard'.

2. Am I able to command the respect of my friends?

No. Same answer as 1.

3. Am I exceptionally superb in leading?

No. If you are superb, people won't call you a 'bastard'.

4. Had I been helpful to my friends?

I wouldn't be so desperate now.

5. Are you extremely capable in a certain field of studies?

My MSG is better than the average, but hey, I guess that is not something to be proud of as my class has more than a handful of people doing much better than how I am doing and they are not interested in council.

Seemed to be all crosses for my checklist.

I scrolled down to read more.

5- Great, way to go! You have the attributes of what people look in leaders!

4- Well done, focus on the aspect you are weakest in, you are prepared to lead.

3- Acceptable, but you are not ready to lead yet, studies, charisma, whatever it is, work on it!

1-2 : You are too hasty to be a leader, reflect on how you can even be a better person before coming back.

0: You are too hasty to lead. Work on your basic character, a few years later, you will definitely be prepared.

I was prepared to drop out, however, I remained in council.

It was by luck I entered as a good friend of mine helped me to propagate within the consortium.

This had taught me a lesson, to treat people well with your heart, not for votes. Naturally, they shall reciprocate and only then, are you a worthy Hwa Chong student.

From now on, I shall work on my attitude towards friends and work to be a better person before I even look at leading.

Tomorrow is the ExCo interviews, I wonder how I am going to fare after all these negative reflections. D:

TED: Ideas worth spreading

Addiction- the teenage life is faced with temptation from all sorts of aspects that cannot be halted easily. From gaming addiction, drama addiction, Facebook addiction, titillation addiction so on and so forth.

Can addiction ever be positive and beneficial for someone? Let us not be restricted by its definition although the word inevitably has negative connotations. In the case of work addiction, it is a double edged sword. For extreme cases workaholics may suffer from malnutrition due to frequent skipping of meals and lose social contact with friends and families. However, being a workaholic will ensure a swift elevation through the posts in your career, it also ensures that your time is not wasted and you learn much in the process.

This bring me to my point, nope- it is not about My aspiration to be a workaholic nor My experience as a workaholic. I would like to introduce you to something called TED. Something that got me hooked to and addicted.

TED is an organization that often negotiates with accomplished people to give talks on their personal experience, their findings and thoughts. The speakers may range from Steve Jobs to Arthur Benjamin and from William Kamkwamba to Bill Gates. The topics may be courageous, inspiring, persuasive so on and so forth, addressing Global Warming or the importance of letter writing. And TED aims to compile all this video on one site, (http://www.ted.com) and allow viewing to be free-of-charge. They do this, with only one aim, conveying messages, ideas, that are worth spreading.

I happened to chance upon TED 2 years ago, under the recommendation of my brother. At that time, TED was not as established, it didn't had their transcript, it did not had introduction about speakers nor subtitles. At that age, my capability to understand and appreciate the talks were limited, and so I was not very interested in them. This year, I revisited the site while reading an article on the net. I remembered the first video I viewed was regarding our origins which was substantiated with plenty of pictures and videos by a speaker who tried to convey her belief that we originated from primates. The talk was fascinating and clearly got me thinking. Before I knew it, I was clicking on many of the videos, one by one. Clearly, I was addicted as the ideas were truly worth spreading.

Well, I would not say this is an all beneficial addiction when you neglect your revision to watch the TED videos. However, you can take away many tips about presentations and how the presenters made use of their slideshows. Most of the presenters were trained and extremely skilled, which explains why one can enjoy it thoroughly. There are also subtitles in 29 languages and aides in your comprehension of the talk.

By watching this videos, I firmly believe that it will broaden your horizon and encourage critical thinking instead of whaling away your time, Facebooking, feeding on useless addiction. I assure you that these videos are mostly entertaining as many speakers implant humor in their talk, even entertaining to the extend you get addicted to them. Whether or not you are agreeable to the idea, you would definitely have some learning points to take away on how this great people manage to generate an idea, how they go about doing it to substantiate it such that it can be persuasive.

However, just yesterday, I realised that on one hand, although watching these talks allow you to gain insights and entertaining at the same time, I chanced upon some videos I viewed before in the past and was disappointed when I tried to recall the gist of the talk only to have failed. Hence, I came to the realisation that it is essential for me to document each talk with a reflection and my view on the topic and that only then would I had clearly gained. Not to mention that this will also train me in critical analysis and broaden my experience, further etching the talk into my mind. I have decided to do this in the form of blogging to share my ideas and facilitate active discussion.

To end off, I hope my post had served its purpose to introduce TED to some of you and convey the idea that rather than indulging in useless addictions that only develops bad habits within you, watching these entertaining and informative talks will be more entertaining. And I congratulate you if it ever becomes your addiction and you manage to kick the others out of your life.

I hope you will ever find the talks as entertaining as I described. Do check in on my blog in the near future, I may be posting up my reflections soon!

Well, that's all, folks!